IM SORRY

I HAVEN'T POSTED IN SO LONG!

things are busy... plus.. i discovered TUMBLR
honestly, i love it! cause you get to reblog things and eeverything... anywaysss. here is my tumblr! (its pretty awesome if i may say so myself :p)

h-bombbb.tumblr.com

so yeah im REALLY sorry! i kept on meaning to post but i just never got around to it!

so i've been having this thing the past week... last week over the weekend i binged up to 2500 (maybe more) on that friday, saturday, and sunday. monday i had 1000... then i decided i wanted to maintain... so i ate like 2500 cals the next day and felt like ABSOLUTE SHIT.
so im like fuck it, right?
yes.
but no.
im stupid.
i think "honestly why does weight matter i jsut want to make a difference and be important."
then i look at facebook
new profile updates...

my friend and her good friend...
in bikinis...
in the snow
fucking flat stomachs
belly button piercings...
i want that.

so im like "fuck"
and this was today.
i had...
around 1950...
give or take
but fuck.
like wtf haley
UGH

sooo... fuck the maintaining thing.
i just love food!
soooo much!
well tomorrow during lunch i have a government meeting so i can skip lunch or just get a diet coke or some spinach (20-50) or an apple (70-100)... no i'll have the apple at break. then after school if i didn't have the apple i get the apple or i'll get spinach... then i have my therapist from 4-5... we'll probably go to the coffee shop. but i LOVE coffee and the holiday flavors. so i'll get a small nonfat gingerbread latte. at starbucks they're 150 cals but idk bout this place so im saying 200. in the morning i have to eat breakfast. so i'll prob have this awesome yogurt (70) and MAYBE a candy cane (40) they last me a long time... maybe i'll get it and bring it for lunch... no i won't breakfast then i won't finish it and either throw it out or save the rest for lunch. when i get home later if we dont have dinner as a family i'll have some cereal (120-150) and this flavored apple cider water (0) that im addicted to. maybe if i get hungry after i'll have another cereal box (120-150). they're those small ones. i get one of the packages that comes with em saturday cause they're one box so it limits you and 120 is pretty low. otherwise i would binge. and it tastes delicious. so my total for the day would end up being 750.. pretty high for most but for me thats really good. i haven't really eaten small since before thanksgiving. on halloween i did like 2000 or something? i think more? but up until the day before thanksgiving, i had not binged past 1600, it was fucking amazing! i loved it. i wanna get back to that. but its the holidays... soo.. heres my basic schedule :)

december
tues 14- 9-3:15 school. 4-5 therapist. 8-9 glee(:
wed 15- 9-3:15 school. sister comes home from college.
thurs 16- 9-3:15 school. friends coming over after. then at 6(ish) maybe 5, we leave to pick up mugs i painted for my uncles at a pottery place, then go to a concert(: wildjam, goes til like midnight. spend the night at her house.
fri 17- 9-1 school. 5ish me and my sister fly to la to see our uncles. a tradition.
sat 18-la.
sun 19-la. fly home at 9 or 10pm.
mon 20-nothing. gonna be busy making xmas presents!
tues 21-same as the 20th! unless something comes up... which is VERY likely!
wed 22- go to the city san francisco with my sister, and parents. tradition. we pass out 10 dollar bills wrapped in ribbon to people on the streets less fortunate than us. then walk around and go shopping and out to eat maybe. spend the night at a hotel.
thurs 23-leave san francisco. me and my sister drive down about an hour away to our cousins/aunts/uncles annual christmas party. they know EVERYBODY. so its huge! plus we get to see our uncles once again! spend the night.
fri 24-drive home from their house. get ready for our xmas eve party with our step moms side of the family held at our house. starts around 4, goes til like 9 or 10. but they gotta get home before santa shows up!(:
sat 25-CHRISTMAS! you guys all know how that goes :)
sun 26- get everything situated. relax after the long holidays. maybe some other stuff
mon 27- same as day before. only we also pack. maybe other stuff.
tues 28- leave for AFRICA!
dec 29-jan 12-AFRICA!!!!! (:

so VERY busy! and im not done making all my christmas presents!!! eek! haha its like i just saw a spider! "eek!" looll. anywaays VERY busy! LOTS of events=LOTS of food!! wish me luck!!! (: